A funny thing happened when I was prepping questions for my third visit with my oncologist this past Thursday. I realized I had never asked her my prognosis. Instead of asking the brilliant oncologist my odds, I had spent time Googling and reading online and punching my numbers and variables into a breast cancer survival calculator (yes, it exists!), deeming a 63 percent chance of survival the most accurate statistic for my situation.
So, at our third appointment on Thursday before my third chemo treatment, I asked her, “What’s my prognosis?” She said, “Well, given the size of the tumor and its aggressiveness and the fact that it has already spread to your lymph nodes, there’s a 40 to 45 percent chance your cancer could recur after you finish treatment. And though it can recur locally, breast cancer likes to metastasize to the bones, brain, liver, and lungs.”
Now, even though Dr. Megan had already come to a similar conclusion through her own amazing research skills, the real doctor’s statement elicited this response in my head: “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.”
And that’s kind of how I’ve been feeling.
See, hanging out in Statistics Land is insane. One one hand, I have a 60 percent chance of beating this. Woo hoo! That ROCKS! But then there’s the 40 percent chance I might not. Oh CRAP! I don’t like those odds!
In the three weeks that had passed since I last saw my oncologist, I spent the time getting a handle on how breast cancer works and what I can expect. I also started delving into the world of complementary medicine, a term that shouldn’t be confused with “alternative medicine” (the former complements conventional treatment while the latter supplants conventional treatment).
I’ve learned that my exercise habits, food intake, and mind-body connection can play a huge role in the long term outcome of the cancer and how long I’ll live. I just received in the mail the much-lauded book Anticancer: A New Way of Life, (thank you, BH!) written by a scientist with brain cancer who set out to bring together all of the farflung threads of evidence-based ways we can maximize our bodies and environments to fight (and prevent) cancer.
I’ve also found a great resource in the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, which is ranked as the #2 cancer center by US News (Dana Farber is #5 and MGH, where I go, is #7). On the center’s website, there’s a database of herbs and supplements geared toward both providers and patients with the goal of disseminating the most up-to-date research about whether herbs work and how they interact with chemotherapy drugs. There’s even an iPhone app for the database.
All of this gives me a ton of hope, but at the same time, it is overwhelming, to say the least. I have two little kids and a big book with a lot of information that I need to digest and implement in my life. Unlike my failed health kicks of yesterday and last year and the year before that, I absolutely need to make serious lifestyle changes if I want the upper hand in Statistics Land. Laziness and procrastination aren’t acceptable anymore when the stakes are so high.
Read this right away, as usual. Am feeling like I am right there in your head with you. What a writer you are! I wish I had something valuable to say. I am overwhelmed with your thoughts and equally impressed by how you verbalize them. XXOO
Anna, I LOVE reading your replies to my blog posts…. they make me feel so good. Thank you!
I can relate to the take-your-breath-away-lump-in-your-throat fear that comes when the doctor confirms what you already knew. You think you are prepared, but it still sucks. Thinking of you tonight.
Megan we are all here for you! When you are down and out post it and we will send you messages of strength. Lean on us! We love you and you will make it through this one way or another!
Megan – Love this post. Thinking of you everyday and looking forward to working out again together when you are all done.
Wow Megan that’s intense stuff. Thinking about you and your family.
You have a ton to live for Meghan – Stay focused and keep the faith Deb and I are send good vibes and wish you well.
Megan, I am friends with your cousin Kathleen and am still undergoing herceptin treatments for HER2+ breast cancer. Like you, I was dx young and have two small kids. I would love to help guide you with questions and provide you with lots of positive information, which I spent the last 15 months gathering in earnest! So many people helped me along the way….I’d love to help you with whatever, advice, suggestions, listening, etc. I sent you a friend request on FB! All the best for health and wellness for you!
Megan I went to RHS with your mom. You are a wonderful writer, your ability to describe the reality of what you are facing is amazing. You are a beautiful girl and are in my prayers.
Megan, you have proven to be a very strong woman. Reading your blog, I truly believe that you will fight this. You have the determination and the fight to get through what ever this ugly disease hands you. Plus you got the love of Keith and the kids. I believe in all my heart you will beat this cancer. Love you. Aunt Nancy
Hi Megan. I also went to RHS with your Mom & Dad. I have also spent 25 years in the field
Of imaging for breast cancer & wish I could hold your hand through some of the scariest
Procedures of your life…..your honesty and
Humorous way of expressing yourself is humbling and endearing. In my 25 years, I have truly seen miracles and good outcomes,
Even with aggressive cancer. I’m not giving up hope that you will be one of those girls.
Megan, Thank you so much for sharing you most personal thoughts. You are such an amazing person. Sending you lots of prayers.
I am in a slight state of awe each time I read one of your posts. You are already a super hero in my mind.
megan thinking of you and sending you prayers everyday! luv kathy
Just found out about your battle with cancer. So sorry to hear about it. I know its hard going thru the treatments but stay positive. If you have any questions about anything you can email me or on facebook. I learned that changing your diet does help. Stay strong.
Thank you for letting me know about Sloan Kettering site. I will have to check it out. I just started reading a new book called The Chemotherapy Diet by something Herbert, also about complementary medicine- exercise, diet, attitude, etc. will let you know how I like it. Seems promising. Makes me hopeful. Statistics so rarely take lifestyle into account. I stopped paying attention to them awhile ago. I have faith we will both survive and thrive, whatever the odds! Keep up the good fight.
Yes! Please let me know how you like it. Also check out Anticancer: a New Way of Life. I always think the same about statistics… So we can do this, most def!
Dear Megan,
I feel kind of like a creeper writing on your blog you probably don’t even remember me. I started to read your blog and I wanted to wish you luck with surgery. The news we get about how you are feeling is from Jane(Grandma Damon)when we visit. I have no idea how long it has been since I have seen your Mom. It has been a very very long time since we have seen you. I do get updates on the little ones from Jane often. They are beautiful !! I think your blog is just wonderful and it must be very therapeutic for you. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. As a mother and wife we always do for others first,but make sure you take good care of yourself. From your blog it sounds like some days are less stressful then others I imagine its hard to shut off your thoughts.
Well I just wanted to let you know you are in our prayers take care.
Megan, I don’t know you but your words are eloquent, even at a very trying point in your life. I have read in many medical journals that optimism is the best cure for cancer, and lots of prayer! I believe our body responds to positive thoughts. All you have to do to make it through and beat this is look at your two beautiful children and fight, though at times with a smile it may be difficult:( I am sending you a lot of prayers that your positive outlook and beautiful family will carry you through each day with more and more hope and even more so a cure!
Sincerely, Joanne