I wasn’t feeling too introspective about the new year yesterday, probably because life is so different than in years past and thinking about stuff like losing weight, getting organized, blah, blah, blah has taken a back burner to doing what I need to physically survive.*
But after reading lots of Facebook posts filled with my friends’ highlights and lowlights, it got me thinking and I realized that my life this past year has been and will be in the new year all about accepting a “new normal. ”
At this time last year, I was in the midst of a high-risk pregnancy with a surprise baby (the cutest, most adorable, and most awesome surprise ever) and longing for the days when I’d no longer be pregnant and could “get back to normal.” Normal being going to yoga, jogging, hiking, and just having my body to myself. Heck, just not having to go to pee every 10 minutes.
The baby, a beautiful girl, came Jan. 23 and was a snuggly low-maintenance infant. Perfect. I estimated I’d be back to normal in a couple months, ready to take on the world.
A couple of weeks later we went to Children’s Hospital for a scheduled neuropsychological evaluation for my 4.5-year-old son. Three weeks later we returned and learned he has a diagnosis– high-functioning autism. We had suspected for awhile that he had some form of autism, but nothing can prepare you for the news that you will never have a “normal” child and the resulting sadness and fear–fear that he’ll be bullied, fear that he won’t be able to live independently, fear that he won’t be as happy as we want him to be–is quite devastating. The diagnosis also meant that life would never be normal since my son will need extra support in all areas of his life for the foreseeable future.
Since then, we have been doing everything possible to get him the support he needs. We’ve accepted that he’ll never be “normal” and that’s okay. It’s okay because our son wouldn’t be the perfect little boy he is without his autism. When I say “perfect,” I don’t mean it in the annoying braggy parent sense, but in the sense that he is so perfectly lovable and wonderful with all his strengths and talents and quirks and challenges.
And then to top off the year, I learned I have breast cancer which ensures that normalcy is, like, so long gone it’s not even funny.
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about stuff people wiser than I have said. In a recent yoga class with Jacqui Bonwell, she kept talking about how we get bogged down in the grief of what we think our lives should be instead of accepting our lives as they are. When she applied the word “grief” to something I always thought of as daydreaming or fantasizing, I realized the power of discontentment.
And a couple of years ago around New Year’s, I read a book called The 100 Things Challenge that introduced me to the idea of minimalism and how we can find contentment by curbing the materialism that’s instilled in us pretty much at birth. One phrase from the book that still resonates in my head almost every day is,”Bloom where you are planted.” Forget where you think you should be or could be. Stop wishing and wanting. Take what you have and do your the best with it because that’s what will make meaning for you and those who you love and cherish.
I pretty much feel like I took off in a rocket ship away from anything normal and my life this past year has been learning to accept the things I never expected and to try and thrive no matter what is happening.
The subject matter for 2013 is a bit heavier and way harder than anything I’ve ever faced. But my hope and goal is that I’ll experience plenty of joy even if it is in moments and circumstances I never would have imagined.
*Disclaimer: If I woke up tomorrow and was skinnier and my house was organized, I would be ecstatic.
You will experience joy! I have often wondered over my many years of life exactly what is normal?…I have not found an answer to that yet and everyone has their own special challenges, but because of my years of teaching I believe there is something special in every person….you just have to find it. We all have talents, weaknesses, strengths, goodness, and much to be encouraged. You know this and you have found it in your family and friends.
Yes, this will be a hard year, but I so admire your attitude, sense of humor, and strength that will see you through.
i think i need to rake that quote from the book and paste it all over my house. you have amazed me with the strength you have found in your new normal. i know that feeling when you think normal is gone and try to figure out how to get your life to be what you thought it should be. i resolve this year to live in my life and not the what if i do far to often. keep living your positive life.
jenn
Megan you are truly amazing! Your outlook on life is very motivating especially knowing what this year has in store for you. Keep the positive energy flowing! I will do my best to send all of my positive energy to you also! You are going to make 2013 your year!
Megan, you are such an amazing young woman. It is true, we must accept the cards that are dealt to us in life. If we don’t we make the road a little harder to follow. Reading your blog, I know you will meet this next challange. Your attitude about it all is what is going to get you through. We never know what the Lord’s plan is for us but we must accept it and work with it. I am so proud of you. I know your Dad is looking down and he is watching over you. Love, Aunt Nancy
megan i love your writing. you inspire all of us and get us thinking about whats important to us. best of all i love your disclaimer! thinking of all of you every day. still sending prayers! hope your treatment goes well this week. we love you guys. love aunt kathy and uncle mike
Megan, I never met you but have heard of your situation through Diana. I too, am a breast cancer survivor, two times as well as having a grown daughter with significant disabilities. I can honestly say that that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I would love to meet you some day. I think I have some good advise and tips as I have gone through many of the challenges you are facing. I remember the day of my diagnosis. I felt that I had joined a club. You will never look at things in the same light. Wishing you prayers and strength through your journey. Maybe one day we will meet in one of Jacqui’s yoga classes. Please feel free to contact me if you like.
Ruth
Megan- you rock. Know I am here for you in any capacity to help make you feel stronger. 😉
Lauren
Your disclaimer made me chuckle…
I have had the honor of hanging out with both your babes for a few short hours and I can say this without any hesitation, you and Keith are raising two perfectly fabulous little people. Your boy was charming and so easy going after being dropped off in an unknown environment with some unknown peeps. The baby, too, was a dream with her mellow and sweet demeanor. So from this bystanders point of view your ‘normal’ is being a fantastic mom to two fantastic children.
Each time I read your blog or your posts I am astounded by your strength, honesty, and attitude towards life in general.
Here’s to you and 2013.
Breathtaking. Your introspection, your outlook, your writing. To be honest, I don’t think normal people nor normal lives are particularly enviable. I don’t think of you as normal – never have, never will – and that is one of the primary reasons why I admire you. So maybe the universe is just catapulting you into an-even-less-normal realm for a reason… as if to raise your bar, push you to the edge of your creativity, expose the valuable hidden sides of you. Whatever the reason, or be them none, you are already on the path to more wisdom. I can tell.
If you one day write a book, I would totally buy it. Just saying.
Megan! Your aunt Jane sent me this link. Having watched 4 dear friends battle breast cancer I am always amazed by their stregnth and grace. You for all life has thrown at you are truly an inspiration! Your story is powerful adn I will pray that power will see you through….. I too would read your book so keep writing!