I found out I had cancer the week after Thanksgiving and let me tell you– I did NOT expect that doozy.
I had felt a large hard mass in my left breast some time in early November but put off going to the doctor since I assumed it was just a normal part of breastfeeding. In case you don’t already know, breasts do crazy things when they are feeding babies, like change size and shape and feel from minute to minute. My daughter was almost 10 months old.
Two weeks later the large mass was still there and I knew I had to call. The office got me a same-day appointment and so the whole family and I trekked into my primary care doctor’s office at Beth Israel in Boston the day after Thanksgiving.
And from the time we arrived on Friday until the following Wednesday, life went like this:
Friday
1:30 p.m.- Young good-looking male resident checks out my breast, comments on large-ness of the mass. Goes to get his boss.
2 p.m.- Boss doctor also comments on the large-ness. Says that’s a “good sign” (presumably he thought something so large was benign) and sends me to get an ultrasound and mammogram, which he calls “probably overkill.”
3-4 p.m.- Ultrasounded and mammogrammed up.
4:30 p.m. Ultrasound doctor comes in and looks at the screen. Says she sees troublesome microcalcifications in a generalized area and one of my lymph nodes is enlarged. Says a biopsy is needed asap. She and the tech urge restraint with Google over the weekend. I mentally discard that suggestion immediately.
Weekend
I Google the crap out of microcalcifications and tumors and breast cancer. Learn that 80% of biopsied boobs test negative for cancer but determine that if I DO have cancer, I’d be stage III (note: Dr. Megan was correct).
Monday
10 a.m.- Biopsy of my breast and one lymph node. I get the ultrasound doc at the end of the appointment to tell me straight up that she thinks it’s cancer.
Wednesday
9:30 a.m.- My primary care doctor calls. It’s cancer and it’s aggressive. I hang up and start crying. First I call my husband and then I call my Aunt Jane, who is a head nurse at a hospital. I go to her house and she takes control, making phone calls and breaking stuff down for me. My husband and mother come and by the afternoon, I have an appointment with a cancer team from MGH scheduled for Monday. Aunt Jane really saved the day.
—-
Having cancer is a crazy thing. I can go long stretches of time feeling like it’s no big deal and conducting my life as usual and then out of the blue get walloped with fear and anxiety about the future and the total weirdness of it all. I’m regularly getting injected with toxic drugs. In a few months, I’ll lose my breasts and have impostors take their place. I don’t know whether I’ll die young or not. But I still have two kids to raise, a husband to love, family and friends to hang with, and all that keeps me grounded.
Love you Megan! You will not die young! You will beat this!
I love you. You’re awesome. ❤
Hi Megan
Thank you for inviting us on your journey through your gift of writing.
I love how you write, which is of course a reflection of how you think. You’re so honest and real and I really admire you, Megan. I wish healthy, happy things for you on a daily basis. XO
Thank you Megan! I am so grateful you have writing as a healthy outlet. It will prove to be therapeutic both physically and emotionally. I also believe other women who suffer will benefit from your journaling because they will see your strength in spite of your fears. They will especially cling to your hope because you WILL have recovered.
You may lose your breasts but you still have a sense of humor and spunk that some people have never had. Good luck with your treatment this week! Glad to read you are on the mend, flu is ROUGH in general…forget about what you are dealing with and having to take care of the babes.
Hi Megan,
Wishing you the best
Life is a constant barrage of experiences.Some good some not so good and some down right scarey as shit. Somehow we all have to try like hell to stay positive and find the good in it all. An extremely difficult task at times.
I hope all goes well. Sending you the positive.
Bob
Megan, I love the way you write, which is a reflection of how you think. You have a way of giving people a sense of your REAL experience. You’re strong and admirably optimistic. I send healthy and happy thoughts to you on a daily basis. XO
Great blog Megan (I am praising the blog, not the effing disease!) , and I like your links — especially that what NOT to say to people with cancer post, totally helpful!
You got this. Thank God you didn’t ignore it, and so thankful we live close enough to an awesome team of doctors.
Thank you for sharing your experience, take care and stay strong.
beautifully writtenby someone with beautiful spirit and strength
Thank you so much for sharing Megan. You are in my prayers.
Meg,
You are just so amazing and totally gifted!! I loved this little article! Look forward to reading more and more! And I agree with the others, you will beat this and live a LONG life!
Xo
Well written, as usual! What I love about your writing, is that your humor, honestly, and spirit really come through the page. I have such faith that you can beat this!
You are fab. Great blog!
Megan our beautiful neice, you are going to beat this crazy stuff and come out a stronger more beautiful young woman. You have so many family and friends that love you and are praying for you. You will survive this. We love you so much. Uncle Bruce and Aunt Nancy
Thank you for sharing your journey, Megan.
Thinking of you all.
🙂
Megan,
I will never complain about anything in my life again. Your story of courage has taught me to be grateful for everyday we have on this earth. Thank you for opening up my eyes to learning to stay in the moment as that is all we have, today. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Laura
Dear Megan I don’t know you but you have an amazing Quality and that is your spirit and your will to live !! You inspire every woman who reads this! I really beleive you will be here to see your beautiful children grow up! I think we are all tested from time to time just remember this ! The teacher is always quiet during the test! God Bless!! Thank you for sharing. Rita